Setting him Straight
by vuarapuung
Summary: Ash gets caught in an embarassing situation, and Mrs Ketchum fears the worst for her little boy. But can the heroic Brock and May step in to save the day, or will they need a little... help? AAML
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Game Freak and Nintendo. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

WARNING! The following chapter contains sexual innuendo. If such material offends you do not read on.

**Setting him Straight Part 1**

The sun was shining, the Pidgey were making an obscene amount of noise, and there'd been a sale on underpants in Ash's size. All things considered Delia Ketchum was having a reasonably good day.

But that was just the morning. There was plenty of time for a foul afternoon.

When she arrived home she called up to her son, who was staying there for a few weeks, that she was back. She wasn't really surprised that he didn't call back down. It was after all only eleven. He may not have even been up yet.

She was walking up the stairs just to make sure he as alright when she spotted Pikachu, who was sitting beside Ash's door staring at it longingly and occasionally scratching at it.

And for a moment Delia was very angry with her son. How dare he just shut Pikachu out of his room? And so, without knocking, she opened the door to demand an explanation.

And there was her day good and ruined.

The scene before her would be with her forever. There was Ash with his jeans hanging around his ankles, a magazine in one hand and his… ahem… in the other. There was a mad scramble and he hastily threw the magazine and let go of… you know… in order to pull his jeans up and shout an indignant, "MOM!"

Delia felt her face burning red, and turned to leave; pausing only for the slightest of moments to read the title of the magazine Ash had been so interested in.

The company hand gone with "_Pokemon; A Beginners Guide_."

And her son was getting his groove on to pictures of Pokemon.

It wasn't very often that Delia Ketchum opened a bottle of wine at eleven o'clock in the morning, but the occasion certainly called for it. After all, it wasn't everyday you witnessed your only son getting into his stride with a magazine of small creatures fighting each other.

Of course she was still his mother, and would love him even if he was a… weirdo. But today she was surely allowed to panic a little bit and wonder just how literally Ash had chosen to take all that about raising Pokemon with "love and care." She would probably have to kill Professor Oak either way.

When she was on her third glass Ash wandered down the stairs. He took one look at her, mumbled something about going out for lunch, turned bright red and left. Delia sighed as she watched him go.

"My poor little weirdo- I mean Ash," she corrected as she heard the door slam shut.

What's a mother to do?

Her little boy was growing up. He was already fifteen. And he'd been travelling away from home for five years already. He'd probably seen more of the world than she ever did in her youth. And he'd made such wonderful friends…

All through he train of thought Delia Ketchum was forming a plan. It seemed the only logical thing to do. Draining the last of her fourth glass of wine she made her way over to the video phone, and called the Pewter City Gym.

Four shabby pick-up lines, two screaming rows and a glass of brandy later Brock understood the situation, and put down the video phone to now try and convince May and Max, who had curiously decided to stop by, that a visit to Pallet Town was in order. He was somewhat surprised when they agreed so eagerly.

So the three were quickly onto one of the buses. After a switchover at Viridian Station the three reached Pallet Town, and were enthusiastically greeted by… no one. The Pallet Town bus station was in fact just a sign with a bus crudely drawn on the front of it.

So the group walked to Pallet with May making a fair bit of noise and Max looking around eagerly. Eventually they made it to Ash's doorstep, and rang the bell.

"Oh, I wonder who that could be." Mrs. Ketchum called from inside a little to conspicuously. Then the door swung open to reveal Mrs Ketchum and a bemused looking Ash.

"Hey guys, what are you doing here?" Ash asked as Mrs Ketchum waved them in.

Brock cringed slightly as he realised he'd spent the whole journey down explaining the situation to May and Max so they'd never actually got around to making a cover story. Luckily for Brock that May was on the ball.

"Oh, we decided to come to Pallet Town to check out the awesome shops!" May exclaimed, thrusting one finger into the air triumphantly. "So we thought we'd stop by and see are friend Ash." Ash blinked.

"Shopping?" he asked.

"Yes."

"In Pallet Town?"

"Er… Yes!"

Ash stood for a moment as if not sure whether or not to believe May had come all the way to Pallet Town for the sake of three shops, one of which had recently been converted to a fast food outlet anyway. Then he just shrugged, and everyone else breathed a sigh of relief.

When Ash went to bed that night (finally) Brock, May, Max and Delia gathered around the kitchen table to think up a plan.

"First plan of attack!" Brock exclaimed. "Tomorrow night me and him are going out to Viridian City. We'll wander around. Explore the nightlife. And then I'll teach him to pick up girls!"

Delia looked for a moment as though she might object to this. She didn't want her son doing what he'd been doing yesterday anymore, but she also didn't want him to turn into Brock. But she just nodded.

"I'll come with you!" May said. "It sounds like fun."

"I'll come too," Max added eagerly.

"Oh no you most certainly will not Mister," Delia said sternly. "You're far too young."

"But May's only thirteen!"

"I don't care. You are staying right here."

Max was very upset at this, but eventually gave in and let Delia march him to bed. She promptly came back for May and Brock.

Ash was very upset the next morning when May and Brock told him they were taking him to Viridian City for the night. He was also upset that Pikachu would have to stay at home with Max and his mother. He was even more upset when May took him down to one of the three stores in Pallet (a supermarket, a fast food outlet and, for some reason, a kinky sex shop) and got him to try on about four hundred different shirts. Eventually she managed to narrow it down to thirty-two, which she promptly paid for using her father's hard-earned money.

"You're just a little princess aren't you?" the bloke behind the till (who Ash was certain he saw peaking at him while he was trying on the shirts) said with a giggle. He waved at Ash as the pair left.

Then May allowed him to go to the fast food outlet and order up some cheeseburgers. After a terrifyingly quick lunch May dragged him home, where she and Brock spent TWO HOURS dressing Ash up.

So Ash now found himself waiting for a bus at what appeared to be just a blank sign that a child had drawn on. After a whole day lost he was now wearing a black shirt with blue stripes (or was it a blue shirt with black stripes), a pair of jeans and Brock and May had also made a half-hearted attempt at taming his hair, before letting him but his hat on. Brock and May were also dressed up. May was wearing a miniskirt and a shirt that Ash thought were probably a little small for her given how much skin seemed to be showing. Brock was even worse, having pulled a John Travolta-like white suit out of nowhere. He looking like a world-class idiot, and Ash wasted no time in informing him so.

The three sat on the bus in relative silence, only occasionally interrupted by Ash's rumbling stomach. When the bus arrived in Viridian it was already starting to get dark. Ash shivered slightly, though apparently the cold didn't bother May, who was wearing the least amount of clothing.

"So, where are we going?" Ash asked.

"First, we'll get some food, then we'll try that new nightclub that opened recently," Brock said.

"Cool," was all Ash could mutter. He walked on ahead, but May saw a problem with that.

"A nightclub?" she asked in disbelief, grabbing Brock's arm. "But Ash and me aren't eighteen." Brock just grinned and tapped his nose.

"Just leave that to me," he said with a terrifying looking grin.

Ash quickly located a chip-shop, and promptly ordered three meals, before turning to the others and rather rudely asking if they wanted anything as well.

May and Brock watched in disbelief as Ash shovelled chips into his mouth. They sighed. This was going to be hard.

Then fate threw them a lifeline. Two beautiful girls had entered the room. Well, Brock saw two beautiful girls. Ash saw two women wearing too much make-up and not enough clothes.

"Right Ash, just do what I do," Brock said, before putting on his cockiest grin and marching over to where the girls were ordering their food.

"Hey baby. My name's Brock. Remember it, because you'll be screaming it later."

Ash hadn't been watching, but he did hear the loud slap. He also noticed when Brock collapsed into his chair with a large, red mark on his face.

"Right Ash, you try it," Brock said.

"Try what?" Ash asked through a mouthful of chips.

"Try picking up a girl. Just do what I did."

"But it didn't work."

"Just try it!" Brock groaned. Ash turned to May.

"Hey baby. My name's –"

"NOT TO MAY! To one of the girls!" Brock snapped at Ash, before slapping him roughly over the head. May giggled as Ash turned bright red before walking over to the girls who rejected Brock.

"Hey baby. My name's Brock. Remember it, because you'll be screaming it later."

Ash braced himself for the slap that never came. Then he noticed that the girls were not angry. They were laughing.

"Oh, he's adorable!" one of the girls squealed, pinching his cheek. "Is he your little brother?" she added to Brock.

"Why yes ladies he is!" Brock exclaimed, bursting forward to shake hands with the girls. He was just about ready to put his best moves on the girls when May had him by the ear and was dragging him back.

"Let's go Casanova," she muttered. "We're supposed to be helping Ash."

"I am helping Ash!" Brock shouted as May dragged him out. Ash waved at the girls, ate the last of his chips, and was out of the room behind May and Brock.

"That was fun. Where to now?" Ash asked. Brock sighed and gestured for the pair to follow him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Game Freak and Nintendo. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

WARNING! This chapter contains underage drinking and a little more sexual innuendo.

A/N Thanks to those who reviewed last time out.

**Setting him Straight Part 2**

Brock's master plan for getting into the nightclub turned out to be a set of fake IDs. Sadly they weren't exactly master forgeries. He'd actually just stolen Mrs Ketchum and Professor Oak's IDs and cello-taped pictures of May and Ash onto them respectively. This idea had its problems. Mainly that Ash did not look like a sixty-four-year-old professor.

The doorman, however, asked for an autograph.

This was the first time May or Ash had ever been in a nightclub, so they were sort of surprised at the amount of noise going on inside. Both clutched their hands to their young ears, and tried to say something to each other only to find that the loud, thumping sound of the music drowned it out.

Brock went and got them drinks. He mouthed something that looked vaguely like _Coke_. May took one sip, and decided that it was not the Coke she was used to.

Ash downed it in one.

Brock then gestured to where everyone was dancing. May wasn't sure about it, but Ash nodded enthusiastically. Not wanting to get separated from them in such a large crowd, May followed them. Like a Rattata to the cheese Brock managed to find a group of girls and was dancing in the middle of them in no time.

This left May and Ash sort of alone. They blushed for a moment, before deciding that they should at least do what everyone else was doing and start dancing.

May had never danced like this before. There wasn't really much coordination or anything. Everyone just seemed to be jumping around. Ash on the other hand had decided to copy a guy who was dancing by himself about ten metres away. People had been slowly edging away from this guy for a few minutes now, and now they were edging away from Ash. The music just seemed to go on and on. If there indeed were songs they must have been fairly similar.

About ten minutes later the three regrouped around the bar. Brock ordered another set of drinks, this time handing Ash something that definitely wasn't Coke.

"Is that beer?" May demanded of him, but Brock just grinning and gestured to his ears as if to say he hadn't heard. May knew fine well he had.

Ash meanwhile had downed the beer in one gulp.

May wondered briefly how he did that, but decided it would be okay as long as she or Brock were around to keep an eye on him. Right now Brock was leaning into Ash's ear and telling him something. He then gave Ash a nudge over to a girl by the bar. Within thirteen seconds Ash was back at Brock's side rubbing his reddened cheek.

Then a tall, handsome guy came over.

"Wanna dance?" he shouted over the music. May looked at Ash, and was satisfied that Brock was at least watching him. Pausing only to watch as Ash strode up to another girl at Brock's encouragement, only to earn another reddened cheek for his troubles.

She nodded enthusiastically to the stranger, and then wondered briefly if she and Brock were doing more harm than good. At this rate Ash would either be off women completely or he'd be like Brock, using horrible pick-up lines and floating a foot off the ground every time he saw a pretty girl. She honestly didn't know which was worse.

Dancing this time was a lot like last time, only now she had a guy pressed up against her. After a few minutes of what the guy evidently thought to be subtle groping May shook him off, and shouted she was going to find her friends. He just shrugged, and within several seconds had a new dance partner wrapped around him.

Well it's not like he was her Mr Right anyway.

May made her way back to the bar only to discover, to her horror, that Ash and Brock weren't there. For a moment she feared the worst, but she soon calmed down. Brock surely wouldn't have let his fifteen year old friend have several drinks and then abandon him to wander around on his own.

Then she remembered he'd let her go off with some stranger and she was only thirteen.

She moved through the crowd, dodging past several couples who were dancing very close to each other and one guy who'd dropped his trousers. Eventually she found Brock dancing with a group of girls and his trousers fully up. On the down side he wasn't really much of a dancer.

"Where's Ash?" May shouted at him. Brock just shrugged and once again made the gesture for his ear. May pretended she couldn't understand him and grabbed said ear to pull it closer to her. "We need to find him!" Brock just rubbed his ear and pointed off into the crowd. May stormed off in that direction.

No Ash.

That meant the only place she hadn't checked were the toilets. Painfully aware that she was at the moment a thirteen year old girl wearing very little in the way of clothing she pushed through into the men's bathroom.

Three guys being sick, one guy peeing, but no Ash.

A few minutes later May was outside with her arms wrapped around herself. It was very cold, and perhaps she should have worn something a little less revealing, but now all she was concerned with was finding her friend. She chose her spot on the basis that it was out in the open (so no guys would get the wrong idea) and if her friend was in the club he would have to come out the front door.

Hopefully...

So she sat on the corner of the street and waited, until eventually Ash staggered out, alone. The doorman gave him a nudge in the right direction. That is assuming that the right direction was down.

When May helped Ash to his feet he didn't seem all that miffed about it.

"Wahoo! Party on!" he slurred. "Party on May!" His breath stank of alcohol, and she silently vowed that if she ever saw Brock again she would kill him.

"We can't take you back to your mother like this," May grunted, hooking her arm under Ash's and across his shoulder to support him. "I'll take you to the Pokémon Centre. It might still be open."

Several times Ash tried to start up a song, but May ignored him and slogged on through the streets. Eventually they reached the Pokémon Centre, and to May's relief it was open.

"What happened to him?" Nurse Joy exclaimed as they walked in.

"He's drunk," May gasped. "We just need a place to stay for the night."

"Don't worry, we have a spare room!" Joy said, rushing over to help May carry Ash.

With a little persuasion they managed to get Ash into one of the rooms and onto one of the beds. Nurse Joy excused herself, and May sighed. Then she noticed Joy had stuck them in a room with only one bed, and Ash was currently on it. He was also apparently aware of this, even if he wasn't aware of much else.

"You know May, if I was a girl, you'd be my kind of guy," Ash said. May forced a smile, and decided it would be best to just sleep on the floor. She grabbed one of Ash's pillows and dropped it on the floor.

"You should get some sleep," May told him. She paused for a moment, and then decided it would be best to remove his shoes as well. When her task was done she breathed a goodnight and lay down on the floor, trying to make herself comfortable.

"What are you doing down there?" Ash's voice asked from above her. "There's plenty of room up here." May blushed.

"You're drunk Ash."

"Not as you think I am."

She sit up to tell him off, only to find herself blocked by a set of lips locking on to hers.

Occasionally in her past she may have allowed such thoughts of Ash to wander across her head, and maybe occasionally she would wonder what their first kiss would be like. Somehow she had never imagined this. For one thing Ash had always been a little better than this in her brief fantasies, and she'd certainly never imagined him tasting so much like that strange Coke Brock had given him earlier. Nonetheless May found herself melting into it, reaching her hand around the back of his head to pull him closer.

When she pulled back to allow him to breathe, he muttered something, then fell down off the bed and landed beside her. Almost as soon as he hit the ground he started snoring.

"How romantic," she muttered indignantly. Then she clambered up onto the bed, trying not to focus on the words _Ash_ and _bastard_. It was a long time before she managed to close her eyes and sleep.

Ash was rather brutally awoken by a pillow to the face. His head pounded, he could barely see, and for some reason his trousers were wet.

"Wake up!" May shouted at him. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, managed to open them again and saw May was standing over him, looking very upset.

"What's the matter?" he mumbled.

"You don't remember anything of last night do you?" May questioned, the expression on her face calming slightly.

"I remember chips…" he muttered. May sighed, before reaching down to help him to get up and sit on the bed. For some reason he'd been sleeping on the floor. He clutched his head.

"Here, Nurse Joy said this'll help," May said, setting a steaming cup of coffee into his hands before sitting down on the bed beside him.

"I don't like -" he began.

"You'll drink it if you know what's good for you," May said with a smile. Apparently her head was fine. Maybe it was just him.

May insisted that he drink every last drop of the coffee, even though he thought it tasted absolutely foul.

"Am I allergic to alcohol?" Ash asked.

"What?" May looked very surprised.

"Am I allergic? It's just you seem fine, and I have screaming headache." May laughed at this. The sound seemed to cut through his skull like a drill. May must have noticed his discomfort because she stopped laughing after she looked at him.

"No silly, you're just hung-over," she explained. "It's what happens when you have a little too much to drink the night before."

"I'll never drink again."

In the interest of not hurting him May seemed to be holding back a laugh.

"I know. Now let's get you home."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Game Freak and Nintendo. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

A/N Thanks again to those who reviewed last time out.

**Setting him Straight Part 3**

They found Brock at the Viridian Bus Station. He was in even worse shape than Ash. For one thing his previously white suit was now green.

After a bus ride that seemed so much longer than last time May had got the two back to Pallet Town. The only problem was the state they were in. She quickly made the decision that it would not be wise to bring them home to Mrs Ketchum in this state. And the only other person she knew in Pallet was Professor Oak.

It was Oak that opened the door. He looked a little concerned at seeing Ash and Brock in the states they were in. So he quickly agreed it would be best to get them cleaned up.

After showers and several more cups of coffee Ash and Brock looked a lot better. They'd also changed into some of Tracey's clothes; green shirts and red shorts. May made a mental note that when this thing was over with Ash then she would take that boy Tracey out and buy him some new clothes.

Assuring Professor Oak that they'd been fine the three made their way back to Ash's house. Mrs Ketchum seemed very relieved to see them back in one piece, whereas Max and Pikachu looked on the verge of madness after one night with Mrs Ketchum.

Mrs Ketchum allowed Ash to go straight to bed as she was more interested in asking Brock if his plan had been a success. Brock however was more interesting in collapsing on the table and sleeping. When it became clear she wasn't going to get anything out of Brock she turned to May.

"Well, did it work?" she asked eagerly.

"On the one hand, he did kiss a girl," May began. "On the other hand, I'm not sure he remembers much of it."

"Why not?" Mrs Ketchum asked. Apparently her mind did not want to grasp the idea that her Ashy-boy had been out drinking on top of what he apparently got up to when he was alone in the house.

"Never mind, I have a new plan," May lied. She paused for a moment. To straighten this boy out she'd need some help. "Does Pallet Town have a cinema?" she asked. Mrs Ketchum looked taken aback.

"Well, no. I suppose Professor Oak might have a projector or two…"

Perfect.

"Come on Ash. We're going out."

When May said it she had been expecting him to tell her that he was absolutely not going out after what had happened the last time, now two days ago. She had not expected him to turn bright red and splutter something incoherent.

"Not with each other," May said with a roll of her eyes. "No, we're going to see a movie."

"We can watch movies in the house," Ash replied in confusion.

"Yes, but if we watch it in a cinema it's more…" She desperately tried to think of a word other than romantic. "Exciting," she decided upon.

"But Pallet Town doesn't have a cinema," Ash said, somehow looking more baffled than before.

"Now it does."

The "cinema" was in fact Professor Oak's basement which Tracey and May had spent most of the previous evening and the entire morning converting with a protector, a screen and just about everything they could find that remotely resembled a chair. This included Tracey's bed, Professor Oak's favourite armchair (which they managed to move with him still sleeping in it) and a dirty old sofa that could very well have been down there since Professor Oak was young.

"Is that Gary?" Ash asked.

May grimaced. In order to create the "proper cinema feel" she'd asked just about everybody she could to come down and watch the films. In the end all she'd managed to coerce into it was Tracey, Professor Oak and Gary. And Gary only then after she showed him some very interesting pictures baby Mrs Ketchum had given her.

"Now Ash, I worked hard to get this place looking just like a real cinema," she said hotly. "Now, let's just sit over here."

She led him by the arm one of Oak's sofas (not the stinking one she and Tracey had excavated) which she'd deliberately placed near the corner where the others couldn't see. Oblivious to this, Ash sat down allowing Pikachu to settle on his lap. May sat down beside him, before snuggling up to his arm.

"May!?" Ash gasped in surprise, turning red.

"Oh, quit being a baby," May replied. "Just watch the movie." At this point Oak gave the projector a good kick, and Tracey flicked the lights off. May smiled.

Perfect.

Not perfect.

By the time they got back to Ash's house May was well and truly furious with him. They'd watched all the most romantic films in Oak's collection (the sly old dog had rather a lot of them) and he'd somehow managed to ruin them all. Not only get he get up every fifteen minutes to go to the bathroom, but he came back with a massive drink to slurp at and a bag of crisps or something to make as much noise as possible.

To top it off he fell asleep halfway through the third film. However the noise did awake Gary, who came over to tell him off but wound up talking to May.

Now _there_ was a gentleman.

He was polite, he listened to her stories and she was certain he was leaning in to kiss her when Ash reached down to touch himself in his sleep but wound up thumping a snoozing Pikachu. The electric shock definitely killed the moment.

So they were home, as May seemed to be referring to Ash's house for the moment. Ash wandered into the kitchen whilst May took the chance to talk to Brock and Max in the living room.

"You made a cinema?" Brock said, sounding impressed. "I suppose you watched a load of spy and action movies. Real man things to help straighten him out."

"No, we watched a couple of romantic films," May corrected. "That'd surely be better than watching some half-naked man creep through the jungle with a bow and a machine gun." Max and Brock were staring at her open-mouthed.

"What are you doing?" Brock hissed. "We're trying to straighten him out, not turn him gay!"

"I did not turn him gay!" May replied hotly. Then suddenly there was a cry from the kitchen.

"Oh these new tiles are simply fabulous!" There was a long silence.

"That was a coincidence," May mumbled, looking down. "But I thought it might help. I figured that if I stuck on a romantic film and snuggled up to him, you know… he might… respond…" She was glad at this moment she was looking down and didn't have to see Max's appalled face.

"And did he?" Brock encouraged.

"He fell asleep and started touching himself."

Max and Brock roared with laughter.

Eventually when the boys had calmed down they got back down to business.

"Anyway, this is Ash's life," May said, placing her hands on hips. "What right do we interfere with his life like this?"

"Because he's obviously confused about his sexuality," Brock replied. "And as his friends it's our job to set him straight."

"What's wrong with being a, you know?" May lowered her voice so Mrs Ketchum wouldn't hear. "A homosexual?"

"It's just so…" Brock trailed off, looking for the right word.

"Gay," Max finished.

Boy, Mrs Ketchum was right to call these guys. _Being homosexual is so gay_. It was hardly rocket science was it?

"Anyway, you were being too subtle," Brock pointed out.

"What do you mean subtle?" May demanded. "We were in a darkened room watching the most romantic films I could find and I was cuddling up to him!"

"Come, this is Ash," Max pointed out. "You could have taken your top off and he wouldn't have gotten the hint." He suddenly paled at this thought. "Please sis, don't take your top off."

"But Max has the right idea!" Brock exclaimed. "What we need is some gorgeous female specimen to physically jump on him and rip his clothes off!" May was just about to say how stupid a plan this was when she noticed Brock was staring at her expectantly and Max looked ready to be sick.

"Absolutely not!" she snapped, folding her arms across her chest.

"Oh fine," Brock said. "We'll find someone else." Max looked very relieved.

"The only problem is that you Brock have spent you're entire life trying to find a, ahem," May began. "'gorgeous female specimen' and you have failed. How are you going to find some girl willing to do this?" Brock touched a finger to his nose.

"Leave that to me."

"Where have I heard that before?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Game Freak and Nintendo. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

**Setting him Straight Part 4**

Brock's plan was revealed two mornings later when a Gyarados came crashing into Pallet Town.

Everyone in the town had been enjoying a nice sleep. The weekend was here at last, and all everybody really wanted to do was roll over in bed and pretend that the sunrise was someone else's problem. That was of course before the roaring monster arrived.

So the residents of Pallet Town charged from their houses wielding all manner of frying pans, golf clubs and Pokéballs they could find, all the while still dressed in what they slept in. Apparently old man Oak slept au natural. Meanwhile the Gyarados chugged along without even noticing the residents, a young, red-haired woman on his back shouting things at him.

Yes, Brock's bright idea was to bring Misty into the fold.

The hideous monster came to a screeching halt outside Ash's house, and Misty gracefully leapt off the beast and landed on her feet before calling Gyarados back to his Pokéball.

"Where is he? Is he alright?" she promptly demanded of Brock, grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer. Brock gave a false-looking smile.

"Now Misty, you must have misunderstood," Brock said nervously. "When I said Ash was hurt-"

"Ash is hurt?" Mrs Ketchum said in shock. "What did you do to him?"

It was then that Ash chose to make his grand entrance dressed in his Pikachu pyjamas with one hand on his head and the other scratching his backside.

"What's going on? Is it lunchtime already?" he said with a yawn. "Misty?" He didn't get a chance to say anymore because by that time Misty had broken her hold and Brock and was now intent on bear-hugging the life out of Ash whilst sobbing uncontrollably, "Thank God you're alright."

Brock had some explaining to do.

When Misty had calmed down slightly the group gathered around Mrs Ketchum's table for breakfast. Then the topic of what Misty was doing there came up.

"Well, two nights ago _somebody_ phoned me to say Ash had been in an accident," Misty said with a glare in Brock's direction. "So, like any considerate… friend would." Her cheeks reddened slightly. "I hopped on Gyarados and charged across the country."

"Now you see Misty, you must have misunderstood," Brock said, ignoring the glare of doom. "When I said Ash was in an accident, I never said specifically if he was in a bad accident or if he was even hurt."

"You told me Snorlax sat on him!"

Brock was sweating.

"Yes, well. He'd be flatter now then wouldn't he?" He gave a crooked smile, but Misty wasn't buying it.

"Well I came all this way to see an injured friend," Misty said threateningly whilst fiddling with a butter-knife. May sensed that the butter knife would soon be the main implement involved in Brock's castration unless she did something.

"Misty, why don't we about this talk outside?" May said. She grabbed Misty by the arm and quickly led her to the back door.

"Hey, I'll go with you," Ash said.

"No, you stay there," May insisted. "This is… girl stuff."

"But you're talking about Brock-"

"It's girl stuff okay!?" she snapped at him. "Now Brock, you come with us-"

"I thought it was girl stuff."

"JUST KEEP YOUR STUPID NOSE OUT OF IT!" May roared, fed up with Ash's behaviour. Ash shrunk back in the chair and didn't say anything else. May, Brock and Misty convened outside.

In a much more calm tone than she had taken with Ash May explained the situation to Misty. She was not very supportive of what May insisted was "Brock's idea."

"You want me to seduce Ash?" Misty blinked. "Are you insane?"

"Oh come on Misty, Ash has always been for you when you needed him," Brock said.

"But I never needed him for anything like… this!"

"Exactly!" May exclaimed, deciding whose side she was on. "It is not fair to ask a girl to do this. Especially when she obviously has deep feelings for this boy." She nodded to Misty who now looked indignant.

"What do you mean deep feelings?" Misty snarled.

"And it was either Misty or James from Team Rocket since you wouldn't do it," Brock pointed out.

"You asked May first?" Misty said in disbelief. "After all me and Ash have been through you thought May was a better choice?" Then she rounded on said May. "And you said no? What's wrong with him? Is he not sweet enough for you? Is he not handsome enough for you?"

"This is what I mean by deep feelings," May explained. She gestured with her arms for Misty to be calm. "You obviously like Ash. There's nothing to be ashamed about."

"I do not like Ash!"

"Yeah, sure. And Brock really hit it off with Officer Jenny last night."

With the benefit of five seconds hindsight May could see that sarcasm was not the best way to go.

May rubbed her head and tried again.

"Well, I suppose Ash would prefer if _I_ did it," May said, trying to sound as if it didn't really matter. "I mean, he _did_ kiss me." A casual glance in Misty's direction told her that her plan had worked.

"He did what?" Misty and Brock exclaimed at the same time.

"Oh, when we were in Viridian City he told me…" She paused. "He was kind of drunk and he told me I was his kind of guy. Then he kissed me." That was about as romantic as she could possibly make it sound.

May watched in mild amusement as the cogs in Misty's head began to work in overdrive. She wanted to ask questions; that was sure. Had Ash really meant it? Did Ash really like May? Did he like her, Misty? Did he like boys? Or did he like Pokémon?

"I'll do it," Misty said at last, gritting her teeth. "Not because I have deep feelings," she quickly added. Her cheeks turned slightly pink again. "I just want to… know something. And no matter what I'm not going all the way with him!"

"Of course," May assured her. "Besides, I'm not sure Ash would be the kind of guy to do that anyway, even if he does like girls."

The three went back into the kitchen to where everyone else was eating breakfast. Misty sat down at the table beside Ash. This left Brock and May beside each other. As Misty put her best moves on Ash they whispered to each other about the plan.

"You know, you have beautiful eyes," Misty said, resting her chin on her hand and looking at him instead of the food.

"Huh?"

"This isn't going to work," May whispered.

"Of course it will. Misty learnt from the master," Brock replied.

"Well, you've never managed to score with a girl or a guy. She's getting murdered there."

"Don't be so naïve. We'll dress her up a little, get everyone else out of the house and then problem solved."

"What are we trying to prove here anyway?"

"That Ash is straight."

"Does it matter if he's not?"

But Brock had already made up his mind. And apparently so had Misty. It also seemed apparent that they thought absolutely nothing of the kiss May and Ash had shared. Maybe it was because before that he'd mentioned that she was "his kind of guy" if he had been a girl. May supposed that didn't count for anything.

And what business was it of theirs anyway if he didn't like girls (or humans in general)?

May excused herself from the table and decided to go up to Ash's room. Maybe Mrs Ketchum had been mistaken and Ash had been hiding something behind the magazine. She rummaged around through his room, under his bed and in his wardrobe. No sign of anything. However she did manage to find the magazine in question.

_Pokémon: A Beginner's Guide._

Curious as to what Ash was so interested about in this magazine she began to flick through it. She could see how it was just the kind of magazine Ash would have liked as a kid. Details on Pokémon, Gym Leader Profiles, etc. Then she noticed the date on the front. It was last month's issue.

It didn't make sense. Why would Ash buy a beginner's guide? He'd competed in so many tournaments. He'd even won the Orange League and the Battle Frontier Challenge. There were only two conclusions. Either he bought it to help him brush up on his skills…

Or he was horny for Pokémon battles.

And Ash had too much pride to ask a magazine for help.

Oh, why couldn't Ash be like normal guys? Look at Brock. His bag seemed to be full of porn magazines. Or even Harley, who Drew had mentioned some rather disgusting stories about.

May was so engrossed in her train of thought that she didn't realise everyone downstairs had finished eating, and that Ash had come upstairs to check on her. In fact she didn't realise until Ash himself had burst into the room.

He saw the magazine in May's hands, and he suddenly turned very pale.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Game Freak and Nintendo. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

A/N Once again thanks for the reviews. It's nice to get feedback.

**Setting him Straight Part 5**

Misty was a little anxious about letting Brock have so much say in how this would go down. As a matter of fact she was anxious about letting him have _any_ say in how it would go down. But he seemed to have spent a lot of time planning, and most of what he suggested sounded okay.

Apart from when he let slip about the camera he had hidden in Ash's room.

What Misty hadn't known up until that point (and neither had anyone else apart from Brock) was that Brock had made preparations so that they could see how Misty was doing. He'd even had an earpiece created so that he and May could offer Misty advice. Naturally Misty was furious, but she gave in with little fight. She was eager to get this over with.

And find out either way.

On the morning they would put their plan in action Brock and May found ways to occupy the others staying at the house. They'd convinced Professor Oak to show Mrs Ketchum his new "private cinema" and May had even managed to rope Tracey and Gary into taking Max out for ice cream. They were a little confused at how they could possibly eat ice cream all day, but then May reminded them that they couldn't go to the lab because Oak would be putting his best moves on Ash's mother. Gary then agreed that an all-day ice cream binge was in order.

So now all May and Brock had to do was keep Ash occupied long enough to get Misty ready. May opted out of said task (having still not told the others about her conversation with Ash when she found the magazine in question) and left it to Brock, who decided it best to pretend to be interested in Ash watching reruns of old Pokémon tournaments on the TV. Ash provided his own running commentary alongside the announcer.

Meanwhile Misty and May were getting ready upstairs in Mrs Ketchum's room. Misty noticed that May seemed a little tense, but did her best to ignore it and just got on with getting ready. Eventually the two decided that she would wear her hair down and try and use as little make-up as necessary (it was hardly Misty's strong suit anyway). Then came the dress.

Misty had known there were only three shops in Pallet. Brock had gone down to one of them and picked out something for her to wear. The worst part was it was _exactly_ the right size.

And so Misty was ready. She stood and examined herself in the mirror, and agreed that any heterosexual teenage boy would certainly jump at the chance. For one thing she was wearing only a black negligee. They'd originally planned on her wearing high heels, but she'd never really got the hang of them and ended up falling and nearly crushing poor May, so she went barefoot. She'd borrowed a pair of May's gold earrings, hoping that they might hide the flesh-coloured earpiece supplied by Brock.

While she was examining herself, May decided to talk.

"Erm, Misty, I need to tell you something," May said whilst rubbing the back of her head like Ash always did when he was embarrassed. When Misty had sat down she recounted her talk with Ash the previous day.

_Ash was sitting on the bed, his eyes wide in shock._

"_She thinks I'm into Pokémon?" Ash asked. "I mean, that's sick."_

"_Well, the evidence is pretty overwhelming," May pointed out. "She caught you… you know… doing… it… with a copy of a Pokémon magazine. What else could you have been doing?"_

"_You've read it right?" Ash asked, desperately trying not to look at her. "It's not just about Pokémon battles. There are Gym Leader profiles as well."_

_May suddenly turned to the magazine and began flicking through it; finally stopping at the first page she found labelled Gym Leader profile._

_And suddenly it all made sense. For there was a full two-page analysis on a certain member of the Cerulean City Gym. Ash glanced at it, then turned away. She could just make out the flush on his cheeks._

_But here it was. There were several pictures of Misty. One of her kissing one of her Pokéballs like she did before a battle. Another of her petting her Gyarados which was described as her most powerful Pokémon. And one last one of her having been splashed by the water._

_And that picture was probably why teenage boys bought the magazine._

"_Ash, I'm not sure whether to be relieved or disgusted," May told him._

"_I know, it's sick," Ash said, wiping his hand against his face. "I only bought it because Misty was in it. I just wanted to read the article and see what they said about one of my friends. And then I saw the pictures… and I got… and then my mom walked in…" She was then terrified to notice that he was in fact now crying._

"_What's wrong?" she asked._

"_I'm sick aren't I?" Ash choked. "I see these pictures of my best friend and all I can think about is… and now she's here and it's all I can do not to rip my jeans…"_

"_Hey, it's alright," May told him. Not really sure what to do next she grabbed one of his shoulders and pulled him closer to her. "I mean, I've never been a teenage boy before so I can't say for certain, but this is perfectly natural."_

"_No it isn't"_

"_Yes it is," May told him. "You may not have noticed it, but Brock's right arm has more muscle than his left."_

"_Huh?"_

_May turned scarlet. How could he have gotten this far without knowing these sorts of things? Stupid innocent Ash…_

"So, Ash is straight," May said in conclusion.

"I know," Misty replied. Suddenly May straightened, as if surprised by her answer. "I always knew Ash was straight. The reason I'm doing this is because now that I know he's noticed girls, I wanted to see if he'd notice me."

"Dressed like that even James from Team Rocket would notice you," May pointed out. "But now you know that means you don't have to go through with it."

"Are you kidding?" Misty asked. "I'm never going to look this good again. Anyway I still need to kiss him don't I?"

"Why?"

"Because you did, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let this younger woman muscle in on _my man_," Misty replied with a cheeky smile. May laughed for what seemed to be the first time in too long.

"But isn't it weird knowing what he does with your photo?" May asked.

"Well, I'll make sure to tell him off about it later," Misty replied. "But now you have to do your bit and get Ash up into his room without Pikachu." May nodded in response. She got up and walked out, pausing only once to wish Misty good luck one last time.

May came down the stairs to see Ash and Pikachu four feet from the TV watching intensely whilst Brock was half-asleep on the sofa. All three looked around as she came in.

"Pikachupi Pi Pikachu?" Pikachu inclined his head questioningly.

"Where's Misty?" Ash maybe translated. She'd never really gotten the hang of what Pikachu said. May felt her face falling slightly, but shook it off.

"Having a nap upstairs," she said.

"It's not even noon yet," Ash pointed out.

"Well, your snoring kept her up last night," May told him. Ash's mood suddenly changed.

"Oh," he mumbled. "I guess I'll go apologize when she wakes up." He returned to watching TV. May made a gesture to Brock that Misty was ready. She was painfully aware that the only person in the house other than Ash that wasn't in on the plan was watching her. Pikachu. But the mouse Pokémon seemed not to notice anything, because he turned around to watch TV with his friend.

Meanwhile Brock appeared to have finally run out of stupid ideas. He just shrugged at May. May sighed and tried the only thing likely to make Ash move.

"Hey Ash, where are your Pokéballs?" she asked. Ash's hands automatically dropped to his belt, only to notice that he wasn't wearing his usual belt and his Pokéballs were upstairs.

"Well, if you go get them we can have a practice battle before lunch."

"You're on!" Ash exclaimed. Then he sprang up off the ground and sprinted out of the room. He didn't notice though when Pikachu made to jump on his head that May grabbed hold of him.

"No Pikachu, we need you here," May whispered. She was aware that Ash would likely be in and out of his room in a flash, unless maybe Misty had thought to hide his Poke-balls. She hoped Misty had enough time. She and Brock quickly changed the channel over to where they'd installed the camera in Ash's room. They slid down closer to it for a better view, with Pikachu still cradled in May's arms.

"Pikapi!" Pikachu exclaimed, confirming that Ash was there and rummaging through the dirty clothes around his bed. He grabbed a hold of his belt and pulled it triumphantly from the pile.

Then someone appeared in the doorway.

Brock's jaw nearly hit the floor. Pikachu tensed in amazement. And somewhere upstairs there was a soft _thump_.

Misty was sitting in Mrs Ketchum's room reading a cookery magazine she'd found when suddenly someone came thundering up the stairs. She quickly surmised that said person would quickly like to return down the stairs. As quickly and silently as she could manage she made it to Ash's door and noticed him half buried under a pile of his own clothes. She took a moment to compose herself and leaned with her back to the doorframe, making sure that her chest stuck out.

Then Ash pulled his belt from the pile, standing up and brandishing it in triumph. With a smile Misty applied the sexiest voice she could muster.

"Hello Ash."

From downstairs she could almost hear Brock's jaw hit the floor. She allowed one eye to pass over the spot where the camera was hidden among Ash's Pokémon plush toys (available from all good retailers) but she was more concerned with Ash's reaction. His jaw was hanging wide open and he'd dropped his Pokéballs to the floor, where they were now rolling around. However he seemed to be oblivious to all this.

_Oh yeah, he was straight alright._

Misty was suddenly very glad of the doorframe as she was having trouble stopping herself from shaking. Ash however was shaking like a leaf.

"Do you like this?" she asked. She beckoned him over with a finger, but he didn't seem to move. He looked at his legs as though they had committed the ultimate act of betrayal on him. Misty sighed.

She picked her way through the mess over the floor, which included the small camp beds where Brock and Max had slept (she and May had been downstairs in the living room). And she made sure to take her time even though she was now shaking almost as much as Ash.

After what seemed like far too short a time she was beside Ash, who still hadn't moved at all except for the shaking. Misty smiled at him.

"I reckon I should say something first," Misty said. "Something about all those nights I dreamt about this?" Ash seemed to nod.

"In my dreams I wasn't shaking," Ash said. His voice seemed more hoarse than usual. "And I knew what I was doing. I have no idea." He smiled weakly.

"_Come on girl, kiss him_!" May's voice hissed in her earpiece.

And Misty did just that. Ash was about to speak again, but he was blocked off. Misty wasn't exactly sure what to do, so she just briefly pressed her lips against his. Ash however didn't move at all.

_Well, at least he's stopped shaking_, Misty thought.

She pulled back to look at Ash, who was fairly stunned by what had happened. Gently as she could she reached down to his hands, where he wore his familiar gloves. She slid them off, and took his left hand, guiding it up to her cheek. She pressed his hand against her, glad for the feel of his warm hands against her face.

"Are you ready to try this again?" Misty asked. Ash nodded this time. This time he took the step forward, crudely crushing his lips against hers. Misty swung one hand around his neck to keep him from pulling out. Ash responded by opening his mouth to lick her lips, as if seeking entrance. Misty gave it too him, and his tongue gently danced across hers.

With their bodies pressed against each other Misty took one of his hands in hers. Slowly she trailed his hand up her side, tickling herself. Then she allowed his hand to graze across her breast-

Ash suddenly went limp and fell to the ground in a heap, hitting the floor with a thump. He'd fainted. In Misty's earpiece May was shouting something while Brock and Pikachu tried to wrestle the microphone away from her.

"Ash, are you alright?" Misty bent down to check on him whilst using her free hand to remove the earpiece. He was breathing fine, and he didn't seem to have hurt anywhere. Gently she shook his shoulders.

"Come on Ash, wake up!" She poked him for good measure. He groaned and rolled over a little.

"Misty, why'd you wake me so early? I was having the most wonderful dream," he moaned. Then he opened his eyes again.

Misty quickly concluded from the look on his face that he was very glad to be awake again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Game Freak and Nintendo. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

A/N It's not over quite yet. Reviews are, as always, welcome, even nasty ones.

**Setting him Straight Part 6**

The camera was soon blocked by something that looked suspiciously like Ash's hat, so May and Brock could no longer see what was going on upstairs. And Misty had taken out her earpiece, so they couldn't talk to her anymore. They slumped back in their respective chairs as Pikachu watched the now blank screen attentively.

May then decided to tell Brock about her conversation with Ash.

"A photo in a magazine?" Brock asked in shock. "That's sick."

"Yes, I've been meaning to talk to you about that sort of thing," May said slyly, before producing Brock's backpack from where she'd hidden it behind the sofa. Brock's face hit the floor.

When Gary, Tracey and Max arrived they found a weeping Brock, a triumphant May and a set of magazines burning in the fire. Then Ash and Misty came down the stairs holding hands. At the sight of their friends they both turned scarlet and quickly their hands flew apart and behind their own respective backs.

"Erm, how are you guys?" Ash said lamely.

"Hi Gary, long time no see. Is that a new shirt?" Misty added. Gary just stared at the both of them, before muttering something along the lines of, "It's about time."

The room would have been silent were it not for Brock's attempts to save his magazines from a burning fire.

"I'm starving, what's for lunch?" Ash said, interrupting the horrifying silence in true Ash fashion. The others all concurred, and quickly added that Brock perhaps should take a day off from cooking.

"I'll do it!" Misty exclaimed.

The group as a whole voiced the opinion that Misty should take a day off from cooking as well. In the end Gary agreed to do it and began rummaging through Mrs Ketchum's shelves. It was hard. Mrs Ketchum apparently used a system where the wine was at the front of the cupboards so as to deter Ash from getting to the food hidden at the back. This had the disadvantage that some certain foods remained at the back for too long. Gary found something that looked alive. He hastily tossed it as far away from himself as possible, and Ash tried to catch it in a Pokéball.

"Ash, it's an apple," Misty told him.

"Funny, I thought it was a bread roll," Gary told them.

Ash proceeded to eat the apple/bread roll/Bulbasaur with gusto.

"Why don't we go out for lunch?" he suggested, apparently unperturbed at having eating something that could very well have been older than him. Only Gary, who was the only one who had never had the misfortune of travelling with Ash, seemed at all concerned.

A quick explanation about the phenomenon known as the "Ketchum Iron Stomach" the group were standing in line at the fast food restaurant. Ash pounced forward at once to order four kids meals, three hamburger meals and a large ice cream. He then turned around and opened his mouth, but May cut him off.

"Let me guess, you're going to eat all that by yourself and your wondering what we want?" May said grumpily, a little fed up with this joke.

"No, don't be stupid," Ash replied. "I ordered some for Misty as well."

Somehow no one present doubted that Ash would _never_ get the hang of romance.

Half an hour later Ash was struggling through his ice cream, though whether due to the large amount of food he had already consumed or the mystery food Gary had found in one of the cupboards was unclear.

"Ash, would it be so bad to just not finish it?" Tracey asked. Ash groaned.

"I feel like I should answer that," Misty said with false cheer. "Yes." Ash gave her a look that either said thank you or call an ambulance. She appeared to take it as the former and smiled at him.

"I think I'll go to the bathroom," May said, getting up.

"Here, I'll go with you," Misty said. May pondered the older girl for a moment. She didn't really need any help with what she was going in there to do, so why did Misty need to follow her? She shrugged, and made her way to the bathroom. Misty entered after her.

"May, you're the only other girl here and I need to tell you something," Misty began.

"Can't it wait?" May asked, painfully aware that there was only one unoccupied stall in the bathroom.

"It about Ash," Misty told her. May sighed, and gestured to go on. Misty seemed to take an unusually deep breath.

"He asked me to marry him."

May didn't even notice that some bitch had taken the last stall. For a moment she just stood there as Misty eyed her uncertainly.

"He must be joking," she said at last with a forced laugh. "It's a joke right? A joke?" By the look on Misty's face it was clearly not a joke.

"That's what I asked. But he got down on one knee and everything. I mean he didn't have a ring…" she trailed off, but May had bigger things on her mind.

"What did you say?" she asked. Misty looked away. "You didn't say yes did you?"

Misty didn't even need to reply to May's question.

"A FEW KISSES AND HE'S READY TO MARRY THE GIRL!?"

"May, calm down."

"I will not calm down! This is insane. This is worse than masturbating to Pokémon battles!"

You knew it was bad when she actually used the word.

May could see why the guys were so confused. When she and Misty had returned from the bathroom May was absolutely hysterical, but Misty refused to let her explain what had happened. It was only a few hours later, in Professor Oak's sitting room and with the romantic pair out of the picture, that May was able to explain things.

They all agreed with her, but they didn't want to disturb Professor Oak and Mrs Ketchum downstairs in the "cinema."

"But you must agree we have to do something?" May added. The guys all looked at each other, as if hoping one of them would answer the question.

"Yes, we do have to do something," Brock concurred at last. "But the question is; what can we do? When Ash gets something in his head it's hard to talk him out of it."

"I don't see the problem," Gary said, and everyone stared at him. "Well I don't! It's not like they're getting married tomorrow. They've both agreed they're too young and that they'll wait a couple of years before doing it officially-"

"Are you mad?" May demanded. Gary then looked her up and down.

"Are you jealous?"

The best response May could muster was to turn red and splutter something incoherent.

"The point, Gary, is that they can't possibly know what they're going to want in a few years time," Brock said, coming to May's rescue. "I mean, anytime you ask Ash something simple like what he wants for dinner tomorrow night he panics."

"In other words it's best not to trust him to make any decisions on his own, no matter how trivial," Max finished. Gary shrugged.

"Well she's still jealous of Misty," Gary pointed out.

Gary was spared from May's wrath by the arrival of Mrs Ketchum and Professor Oak.

"We heard May shouting," Oak explained.

"That was five minutes ago, what took you so long?" Max asked innocently. Everyone in the room older than him seemed to find something very interesting with the wall.

When Brock and Tracey moved to confront Ash he was in the sitting room reading a jewellery brochure. Tracey managed to restrain Brock momentarily, before taking him aside and whispering a few choice words. The two then returned to face Ash.

"Ash, we need to talk," Tracey began. Ash nodded, and folded the brochure carefully and set it down on the table in front of him. "It's about Misty." Ash just stared at them blankly.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!?" Brock burst out, and Tracey promptly moved to restrain him again. But Brock was more intent on smacking some sense into Ash.

"Brock, we had a plan!" Tracey gasped. When Brock had calmed down the two carried on as if nothing had happened.

"What the hell are you thinking?" Brock asked in a slightly calmer manner.

"About...?" Ash asked.

"ABOUT MISTY YOU IMBECILE!"

Whether Ash actually did not understand or was just trying to provoke this exact reaction from Brock was unclear. However his mouth did curve slightly as Tracey once again had to restrain Brock. When Brock had finally calmed down Tracey gave a sigh. He wondered how well May was fairing upstairs with Misty.

"Listen Ash, you're fifteen," Tracey said (having now decided it would be best not to let Brock speak). "There's no way you can know what you're going to want, say, fifty years from now." Ash looked deep in thought for a moment.

"Well, I'll be sixty-five, so I'll want stuff that's better for older people, like prune-juice."

The look of deep thought clearly did not suit him.

"I'm talking about marrying Misty." Tracey paused. He had just used the m word for the first time and wanted to gauge Ash's reaction. He didn't get one.

"So I want to marry Misty, big deal. Brock asks a girl to marry him four times a week. And it's not like I'm marrying her tomorrow, I know to wait a while."

"Yes, you should wait a while!" Tracey exclaimed. He ignored the hurt looks Brock was shooting at Ash after the previous comment about marriage. "Like ten years before you even _consider_ it."

This however was the Ash who considered a week to be a great length of time and was more likely to get married within the month than to wait ten years.

"Well if it's such a bad idea then why did Misty say yes?" Ash gloated. Tracey was about to say something when a thought suddenly danced across his head.

"Why _did_ Misty say yes?" Tracey's thoughts were stated by Brock. Tracey and Brock looked at each other as if appalled that they had overlooked this for so long.

"Exactly!" Ash said triumphantly. "She loves me. I love her! I don't see what the problem is." Tracey and Brock exchanged looks of horror.

_Love?_

"That's not the point, you're still too young," Brock said at last. Ash was about to protest when Brock spoke again. "Look, if you're dead set about this, just do one thing for me. Find someone else, anyone else, who thinks this is a good idea."

"And not Gary Oak," Tracey added, fearing that Brock may be sending entirely the wrong message. Ash's mother hadn't exactly voiced her opposition to her little boy getting married either.

Then again the Ketchum household hadn't gone through so much wine in one day since Ash's conception.

"Deal," Ash said confidently. "If I can find someone else who thinks this is a good idea I'm allowed to get married."

"Yes!" Brock exclaimed, before looking at Tracey. "Nnooooo," he added. But Ash wasn't listening. He was already running through the house calling for Max, May and his mother to come down.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Game Freak and Nintendo. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Also note that the author has inserted an extra sentence to see if anyone is paying attention to the disclaimer.**

**Setting him Straight Part 7**

Ash spent most of the rest of the day trying to explain the concept of marriage to Pikachu who was, naturally, having none of it. The next morning he was up at the crack of dawn, eager to prove Brock wrong. Misty didn't know quite what was going on and so was a little bit peeved when Ash took off suddenly like that. So Brock and Tracey talked to May hoping to find out how she fared with Misty.

"Don't talk to me about Misty," May grumbled.

So the two young men found various ways to occupy themselves. Tracey was out back showing just how interesting he was by drawing several sketches of the view in the bathroom window of the house behind where that crazy old couple lived. Brock was trying to "work his magic" on a somewhat hung-over Mrs Ketchum. Sadly his gesture went unappreciated. She ate the rose and put the bacon in a flower pot.

When Brock wandered back down the stairs the door swung open to reveal a triumphant Ash.

"I did it!" Ash exclaimed proudly. "I found someone who thinks it's a good idea!" Brock, looking as perplexed as someone with no eyes can manage, made his way to the door. There he caught sight of a giant cat balloon.

He wasn't really listening as the occupants of said balloon said their motto, edited slightly of course to show their approval of what Ash was doing. Such edits included the terms young love, eternal bliss and a word that sounded awfully like spandex.

"Team Rocket?" Brock tried to act unsurprised. "_Team Rocket_ thinks it's a good idea and you still want to go through with it?"

"Well, yeah." Ash blinked. "But that doesn't matter. I found someone who agreed with me so now I'm allowed to marry Misty."

"Yes, but _Team Rocket_?" Brock asked. "You're really going to trust their advice over your friends?"

"Hey, Jessie's a girl and James is gay, they're bound to know something about romance," Ash said.

At this point James was looking from Meowth to Jessie as though expecting one of them to leap to his aid.

"Get over it James, you're gay as a rainbow," Meowth said. James proceeded to throw a hissy fit alongside Mime Jr, who was perhaps the greatest proof one could offer concerning James' sexual inclinations.

"Don't you think you're jumping into this too fast?" Brock pleaded with Ash. "You're fifteen!"

"You keep saying that, but when I was ten I was already travelling the world on my own."

"This is different!"

"How? How is it different?"

Brock quickly decided that this was getting nowhere, so he retreated back into the house to find May. Team Rocket however followed Ash into the house and proceeded to make themselves at home.

"Are you some of Ash's friends?" Mrs Ketchum asked.

"Yes, we're great friends with the twerp," Jessie confirmed as she and James began to take things out of the fridge almost at random.

"Can't imagine our lives without him," James added whilst making his infamous jam, mayonnaise, turkey and leftover lasagne toasted sandwich with a white wine sauce. Having lived for so long on whatever he could find it was no surprise that James was able to make a meal out of anything.

There was also no surprise about how it tasted. Like crap.

Meanwhile Brock and May were trying to have a civilised conversation with Ash that was spoilt only by the fact that they wanted to strangle him. Brock was certain he would have succeeded had Pikachu not interrupted with a Thundershock.

"Pikachupi pi pika Pikapi pika pi pi," Pikachu explained. Ash seemed to take whatever Pikachu's suggestion had been a lot more seriously than the suggestions of the other humans.

"Look Ash, it's like this," May pleaded with him, taking advantage of whatever Pikachu had said to calm Ash. "Can you really see yourself spending the rest of your life with Misty?" Ash didn't even think about it.

"I can't see spending the rest of my life without her," he replied.

Maybe there was a romantic side to Ash after all. Though this thought was overshadowed by the fact his was fifteen and had asked his friend of the same age to marry him.

This left his other friends feeling slightly confused. Acting rashly like this was Ash's speciality. But Misty was normally so much more level headed than this. Why did she want to rush into this with Ash?

Maybe love was just stupid that way.

But no matter how stupid love was Ash's friends had vowed that they would set this boy straight. Albeit at the time they had made such a vow they had been referring to stopping him from enjoying himself so much with a Pokémon magazine, but in theory this was the same idea. However this time they had to prove he was not ready.

They had to find a girl to seduce him… again.

Sadly there weren't exactly a lot of candidates. For one thing they couldn't use May as Ash had shown on several occasions that he just wasn't interested in her like that. When Brock had told May this she had huffed a bit before saying she didn't want to do it anyway. They couldn't use Jessie because she wouldn't want to do it, and they couldn't use James because it would either scar Ash for life or make the situation so much worse.

So Brock was on the phone to what seemed to be every girl he and Ash had ever passed on the street. However when he explained just what he wanted them to do most of them hung up in outrage, although Misty's sisters spent a full hour and a half telling Brock how disgusting he was for even thinking that they would want to steal their sister's boyfriend on her.

Not that they couldn't if they wanted to.

So Brock at last came to their only hope, so to speak. A twelve year old girl. However this time he decided it would be best not to use words like seduce. He couldn't try something like he'd done with Misty that had resulted in her charging across the countryside on the back of a Gyarados. So he tried something more subtle.

"Ash is dead!"

Or not.

May spent the next few days casting nervous glances up the road half-expecting a Gyarados or some similarly monstrous creature to come hurtling through Pallet Town. After five days on edge she started to get a little nervous. Maybe she wasn't coming.

Trust Brock to make a balls out of anything. Telling someone Ash was injured was one thing, but _dead_? She made a mental note that if she ever had any problems like this with her own children (some day) then she definitely would not trust a Pokémon breeder/former Gym Leader to help out.

Ash and Misty however were also unnerved due to the fact that no one had tried to talk them out of getting married for a few days. And Pallet Town wasn't exactly designed with young couples in mind (actually it doesn't appear to be designed with humans or indeed Pokémon in mind) so they basically did what they always did. They layabout the house and watched the Pokémon Battle Channel Ash had been so fond of as a boy.

And he was delighted when he turned on the TV to find his own performance in the Indigo League mentioned. His delight soon turned to horror when he found out that the viewers had voted his incident with Charizard number eight in the "Indigo League's Top 100 Most Embarrassing Moments."

Elsewhere Team Rocket and Mrs Ketchum were fast forming an unlikely friendship and spent most of the day drinking tea, talking about men, and shopping.

May and Misty had been sleeping downstairs on the sofas (they had no idea where Team Rocket were sleeping) when May awoke to hear a very faint tap on the front door. Moving silently, so as not to awake Misty, she snuck out and swung the door open.

It was the first time Dawn and May had actually met and it would be a lie to suggest either was impressed. On one side hand May was dressed in only a pink nightgown. On the other was Dawn who looked very much like she'd spent the last week swimming to Pallet Town, sleeping ditches along the way and spending every free moment crying.

"Er, Dawn, right?" May asked. "You see, it turns out what Brock told you wasn't entirely accurate. Ash isn't dead. It turned out to be just gas." Whether Dawn actually registered what May was saying was unknown, but she did spring forward and hug May (who it should be noted is this girl she barely knew) and began sobbing uncontrollably.

"Here, let's get you some tea," May said kindly, wondering briefly if this was how awkward Ash and the others felt whenever she got emotional. When she managed to quiet the younger girl down in the kitchen May made her way upstairs to awake Brock.

His covers were held a few inches over his body at one point. Once awake he requested ten minutes to "wake himself up." It was definitely one of those things that May did not want to know.

Brock entered the kitchen looking pleased with himself up until the point where he noticed Dawn had taken the news of Ash's supposed death somewhat harshly. She was murmuring either to herself or her cup of tea and didn't even notice Brock come in. May beckoned Brock over to talk to her.

"You stupid bastard," May hissed and gave him a slap around the head for good measure.

"How was I supposed to know she would take it so badly?"

"She's your friend," May growled. "And we can't ask her to help now."

"Hey, I have a plan," Brock said.

May stated at this point that any plan of Brock's was a plan she wanted nothing to do with. However in order to get this point across she might have included a few words she wouldn't usually use. Most of them involved an f. Brock continued on regardless.

"What if we don't tell her about the plan, but instead we trick her into just kissing Ash?" Brock suggested.

"I don't know. We're messing with a girl's feeling here," May pointed out. "No matter what you may have gotten into your head, a girl's feelings are important."

Brock seemed to ignore that last comment. He was just getting into his stride.

"And all we have to do is make it happen in Ash's room. If Misty's down here she can see it on the TV."

However May wasn't quite so confident as to what way this was going.

"Brock, we don't want to break Ash and Misty up!" she exclaimed. But Brock wasn't listening. He'd already turned around and was now reassuring Dawn that Ash was fine. He must have forgotten to mention about Ash and Misty hooking up.

Soon enough the other occupants of the house began to awake. Misty was up first. She seemed very surprised to see a girl who had probably staggered all the way from Sinnoh in the kitchen, but having known Ash for so long nothing really shocked her that much anymore.

Team Rocket and Mrs Ketchum seemed to arrive at exactly the same time. The four then began making breakfast. The smells naturally summoned Max downstairs and, eventually, Ash too.

"May, we can't let Dawn know Ash and Misty are dating," Brock hissed to her. May was about to snap at him when she noticed Ash was bending over to kiss Misty good morning. Thinking quickly she kicked out a chair which smashed into Ash's legs. Ash of course took it like a true hero and rolled around on the ground screaming. May was about to breathe a sigh of relief when Misty bent down to help Ash.

"Here Dawn, now that everyone else is up let's get you cleaned up!" May jumped out of her seat and grabbed onto Dawn's arm before dragging her up the stairs.

Somehow it had seemed so much different getting Misty ready to go for Ash. For one thing Misty was fifteen and knew what was going on, Dawn was twelve and had no idea. For another Brock had an outfit in Misty's size, but none in Dawn's. James, however, had several.

Add that one to the list of things May did not want to know about.

In the end May decided against the pink tutu and the sparkling red backless dress and went with a curious schoolgirl's outfit (silently praying that at least this one was Jessie's). When the two girls returned to the kitchen breakfast was served. Brock's eyes seemed to stop slightly south of Dawn's neckline. Jessie apparently didn't recognise the outfit. James perhaps did.

Ash didn't even look up from where he was eating.

Try as she might, May couldn't shake the uneasy feeling in her stomach. Maybe it was because she had done this all before, only this time she knew it would end in disaster. Whereas Dawn seemed blissfully unaware of what was happening. Brock looked as confident as ever. Although his confidence was not necessarily a good sign.

After breakfast Misty went for a walk while Ash went upstairs to have a shower. May managed to convince everyone else that it was such a lovely day and they should all go outside.

All except Brock and Dawn.

Whatever Brock had said to Dawn had worked, for Dawn marched up the stairs with a fire in her eyes the likes of which May had only previously seen Ash pull off. Meanwhile she and Brock turned on the TV. Pikachu was there as well, as alert as ever.

"Hey Misty, come see this!" Brock called out. Misty called something angrily back, but seemed to be coming anyway. May was however entranced in the TV. There was Ash. There was Dawn.

And she moved in. Ash was caught completely flat-footed by this whole thing and seemed to take an embarrassingly long time to react. When he did react he threw Dawn backwards and the poor girl landed flat on her backside several feet away from Ash. She was crying, and Ash was shouting something.

May turned around to see that Misty had indeed arrived. Just as there had been a fire in Dawn's eyes, there was one in Misty's. However this was a different kind of fire. The kind that burns.

The kind that told May that they'd no longer be planning a wedding. They'd be planning a funeral.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Game Freak and Nintendo. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. **

A/N The final chapter. Another thanks to all those who reviewed, and even the brave souls that added it to their favourites.

**Setting him Straight Part 8**

In the last two weeks Ash Ketchum had kissed three girls, proposed to one, eaten enough food to choke a Munchlax, got blind drunk for the first time and even gotten jiggy with a Pokémon magazine. It had been a productive two weeks, it was a shame it looked likely to end with his girlfriend beating someone to death.

At least that was what May thought, though Misty hadn't moved for a few moments. She hadn't blinked either, and were she not breathing heavily you might think she'd died on her feet.

There was no sound on the TV, though judging by the look on Ash's face that may not have been a good thing. Whatever he was saying may have done more to reassure Misty than it was currently doing to the stricken Dawn right now.

And May had also vowed that Brock would burn for the crimes he had committed against young love this day.

It all seemed to go off at once. Brock lost his cool and made a mad dash for the door. Misty gave a sob and ran out after him. On the screen Dawn had apparently called out her Piplup and was now attempting to kill Ash. A distraught Pikachu dashed out after Misty and Brock, desperate to save its friend and master. May thought for a moment then decided to follow Pikachu and see if Dawn could be persuaded that Ash would very much like to continue living.

She was most surprised when Ash came hurtling down the stairs with blood trailing from his nose and calling Misty's name, almost as if he knew she'd seen it. Dawn and the small penguin, Piplup, soon followed, though May managed to delay them by calling out Blaziken.

She hoped that Mrs Ketchum wasn't fond of that wallpaper, because it was about to get messy in here.

"Blaze kick!"

"Bubblebeam!"

The two Pokémon Coordinators met in righteous battle on Mrs Ketchum's staircase which promptly caught fire only to be put out by some stray bubbles. At the orders of their respective owners the two battled for a full ten minutes before-

"What the f-?"

May was very glad that Gary had decided to show up again, using his Scizor to calm things down. Scizor had the added benefit of not being too brutish and so it didn't bang up Mrs Ketchum's beautifully decorated hallway as much as the two previous combatants had.

"This isn't over!" Dawn yelled, recalling her Pokémon and jumping down from the top of the stairs. Clearly she overestimated her ability to handle the fall because soon May and Gary were treating her for a sprained ankle.

"The moment I'm healed I'm going after Ash Ketchum," Dawn announced to them.

"Well you'll have to get through me!" May shouted, stood up and dropped the ice pack she'd been holding to Dawn's leg on Gary's head.

"What is wrong with you? You were the one trying to pad my bra with toilet roll earlier!"

It was clear that Gary was very interested in this conversation. So was Brock, who had been hiding in the cupboard. He burst out to show his support.

"Wait, if you're here…" May began, pointing at Brock. "Where's Misty?"

Evidently she didn't care as much about where Max was.

He was outside with Team Rocket and Mrs Ketchum for those few who do care.

In Ash's own mind he'd only kissed one girl in his whole life. That thing with Dawn didn't really count as she was the one coming on to him. He'd heard May mention something about him kissing her when he was drunk, but he was certain that he'd remember something like that. Even if he didn't remember much about that night past going into the nightclub.

But right now the girl he had kissed who just so happened to be the love of his life was now sprinting out through the garden. He'd caught sight of her when he'd dashed out his room away from the raging Dawn (and Piplup's Peck attack wasn't half-bad these days either).

Pikachu was ahead of Ash and level with Misty, who had just rather clumsily jumped over the fence. His mother tried to intercept him to calm him down, but Ash ducked under her gaping arms, through Team Rocket and knocked poor Max down. He then proceeded to make his own attempt at climbing over the fence.

Or rather he went smack through it.

However Misty was faster than Ash and clearly wasn't listening to Pikachu, so Ash had no choice but to take one of his patented shortcuts. The end result of one of Ash's shortcuts can only be expected.

The tube was lost.

So he did the only thing he could think of. He walked through the streets calling Misty's name.

Some people came out of their homes to tell him off, but the sight of blood leaking down from his nose and tears from his eyes quelled their wrath. Instead they tried to convince him to go home. But he didn't listen.

"Misty!" He stumbled on a rock but managed to stop himself from falling over.

"Misty!" Someone tried to stop the flow of blood from his nose with a cloth, but he shook them off.

"MISTY!"

Nothing.

It was getting dark, and he hadn't eaten a bite since breakfast. His feet ached, his head felt lighter than usual but at least he'd stopped bleeding. But he couldn't go home. He knew she wouldn't be there, and he couldn't go without her.

So he desperately racked his brain for a solution. If he were Misty, where would he go?

Oh no, not the bloody waterfall.

Ash was somewhat appalled by how well he knew Misty. There she was where they first met, with Pikachu resting beside her. It had taken him a further three hours to get here so that now it was almost pitch black in the forest. But following the sound of running water he managed to get there.

The only problem was that he was at the top and she was at the bottom.

With the strangest sense of déjà vu he jumped.

He clambered out of the water, coughing and spluttering. Misty rushed over to his side to make sure he was alright. He touched one hand to his face. Most of the dried blood was gone. He supposed that was a good thing.

"Ash, what happened to your face?" Misty exclaimed. There must have been more blood than he thought.

"Ran into a Piplup," Ash replied with a grin. Misty was naturally concerned, and wouldn't let him speak again until she had washed his face using a damp piece of cloth. However she continued to gently stroke his cheek with said cloth long after Ash was sure the blood had gone. However he did start to hear a voice in his head.

_Come on Ash you idiot! You're here, alone with the girl, in a moonlit forest beside a beautiful lake. She's obviously waiting for you to do it so just GET ON WITH IT!_

"Huh?"

_Just kiss her you imbecile._

Ash was confident that this was the best advice any voice in his head had ever given him, but he would still rather said voice didn't speak to him again.

So, as suggested, he promptly got on with it. Wrapping one hand around Misty's neck he moved forward almost at the same time Misty seemed to. Their lips met somewhere in the middle, and to the casual observer (Pikachu) it almost seemed for a moment as though the two shapes in the night had become one. However soon they parted only enough for the faintest line of moonlight to pass through.

"Misty, I'm so sorry," Ash said. "But please, don't leave me."

"Oh Ash, it's not your fault," Misty said mournfully. "It's just, I saw to what extreme lengths everyone was going to split us up and I wondered-"

"If this is too fast?" Ash finished. Misty nodded. "Look, if this is too fast we can always slow down. If you don't want to I'll understand."

"Ash-"

"No," he interrupted. "If you aren't sure, then neither am I."

"But I am sure," Misty replied. "I do want to marry you, some day. But not yet."

"Don't worry, I can wait."

For a long time they just sat there in the darkness, hands firmly grasping each other.

"So now what, Mister Bright-Ideas?" Misty asked affectionately.

"Dunno," Ash replied. "I had meant to go back on my Pokémon journey with Brock and… you know." Misty smiled. "But that doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore. Maybe I could go back to Cerulean Gym with you."

"So, I tell you things are going to fast and then you ask to move in with me?"

"I didn't mean it like-!" Ash began, only to realise that Misty had indeed been joking.

"And how exactly do you propose to earn your keep?" Misty eyed him slyly.

"I'll think of something," Ash replied with his familiar lop-sided grin.

Pikachu watched from a distance and wondered about just how silly male and female humans seemed to act around each other.

Mrs Ketchum wasn't exactly thrilled at how Dawn and May had redecorated her hallway with scorch marks and a collapsed staircase. And she made sure that Dawn and May understood this. Luckily for them she was more concerned with what had happened to her son, so she let Dawn and May off with the simple promise that they would fix the place up.

Sadly they didn't really know much about reconstructing a staircase. They did however have the lucky talent of getting Brock to do it for them.

So the two were taking a well deserved rest from ordering Brock around. They sat side by side on the staircase as Brock was scrambling around in the background.

"Do you think they'll be alright?" Dawn asked, presumably referring to Ash and Misty.

"Yeah," May replied. "They'll be fine." Silence again.

"He really likes her, doesn't he?" Dawn said, surprisingly without bitterness.

"Yeah."

"You think we'll ever be that lucky?"

May took a long look at Dawn.

"Yeah. But we're only kids," May replied with a smile. "We still have our whole lives ahead of us to look for boys."

"Yeah," Dawn said. She smiled sheepishly. "Sounds like fun."

"So, where'll you go now?" May asked. "I can't imagine you'd be comfortable travelling with Ash after this."

"Then I'll go on alone," Dawn said with the same resolute expression only someone who'd travelled with Ash could muster. "I'm still going to be the best Pokémon Coordinator."

"I wouldn't be so confident if I were you. You might find you have a little competition." May winked.

"Did you ever think of travelling in Sinnoh?" Dawn asked.

"Yeah," May replied. "I just never really had a friend to travel with before."

May and Dawn had gone off to Sinnoh together. Brock had decided to follow them, for reasons May and Dawn didn't really feel needed elaborating. Gary had agreed to take Max back to his parents. Ash and Misty had left for Cerulean. And Team Rocket had naturally followed to make yet more half baked and slightly amusing attempts to capture Pikachu.

And once again it was just Delia Ketchum and Mr Mime in the house. She sat down to relax, wondering just what kind of trouble Ash was in at the moment. She also wondered why Mr Mime had been so quiet for the last two weeks.

She stood up. With the kids gone it meant she could engage in her favourite pastime.

Cleaning in the nude. Professor Oak showed up twenty minutes later with another bottle of wine. There wasn't that much cleaning done.

**THE END**


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